The Happy Hour Podcast
Episode 3 – The 5 Things People Don’t Know About Me (part 1)
The very first fact that people don’t know is that I was actually once depressed, especially during my high school and university years. Yeah, that’s right. There, I said it.
For the most part, it was “weekend depression” hence I hid behind being such go-getter because moving, working, hustling is the only way I know how to cope with my life but it was all just an escape, a bandaid solution. Running away from the real issue. Not facing my own problem and pretending that everything is OK. When the truth is way far from it.
Truth was, I never felt belonged due to my Asian upbringing. Tough helicopter parenting plus a Tiger Mum who is the most hardworking person I know in my life, I simply accepted the fact we don’t whinge, we don’t complain, we don’t whine at all. We just simply put out heads down, deal with everyday the best we can, and continue to go make shit happen! We don’t say things like “I love you” and we certainly don’t give out praises such as “well done”, “good job”, and the like.
As a result, I didn’t know how to ask for help because I never had to and I was probably also was never allowed to. There was no such thing! Only the weak and the failed ones do when I was growing up and you will definitely be judged upon, silently or openly. Due to that, I am also less sensitive to the people around me for support or empathy. It’s almost like I automatically expect to be as tough and as resilient as myself. Tough love, hey..?
It all became even worse when I was dating. I became obsessive. I became reliant on this new found love and attention which I didn’t understand. I became addicted to it. To the point where a late response from my then ex-boyfriend would lead me straight into anxiety central. Into the dark hole where I thought to myself that I wasn’t worth it, that he was not into me anymore and many many more irrational thoughts!
I was perfectly fine on the outside but totally dysfunctional on this inside so afraid of slowing down and being with my own company. I wanted and needed to keep busy so that I won’t have to face these depressing moments. To the point where I was losing sleep. To the point of almost burning out and breaking down.
One day, something happened. It all changed when I found exercise. When I got introduced to a group exercise class called Les Mills BODYPUMP. You might or might not have heard on this. Chances are, you probably have. When they say the group workout effect, they do mean it. I was hooked instantly! This was the ‘drug’ that saved me. Which is how I got introduced into the health and fitness world. And the rest, as they say, was history.
Tune in next for Part 2 to find out about the other 4 facts!
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